Category Archives: Motivation

Say Something I’m Giving Up On You

OCD
There’s no end to the questions…

OCD thrives on answers. If you stop answering its questions you cut off its oxygen. But, OCD is a trickster and only needs to ask one single irresistible question and POW!!! Down the rabbit hole, you go.

I was watching a mother with her young daughter in the grocery store the other day. This toddler had so many questions! The mother answered every blessed one—no matter how ridiculous. Instead of feeling interrogated she seemed to love her daughter’s curiosity. When she answered the questions her tone of voice was very reassuring. Naturally, the toddler was having fun and enjoyed the attention. So the questions just kept coming.

If you know me—then you know it’s just like me to make an experiment out of the situation and follow this mother and daughter around the store. It’s incredible the Market Bistro even lets me anywhere near the store considering all the ERP I bring my clients to do there! I picture security watching the camera and when they see my car pull into the parking lot they groan, “Oh no. Now, what is she up to.”

There’s no end to the questions

Anyway, I followed this family around in the store because the toddler reminded me of someone I know. Someone who never stops asking questions. The questions are the most absurd, ridiculous and cockamamie you can imagine. This toddler was precisely like OCD, and I wanted to know how this remarkable Mom handled being bombarded with one question after another.

How long could this Mom hold up? When would she get tired and put a stop to it? The questions were relentless. How would the mother get out of this mess??? How could she stop the never-ending questions? Was it even possible?

OCDI could see the mother was getting tired and honestly I don’t think I would have lasted so long. Eventually, Mom’s answers became shorter and vaguer. And then I heard Mom start answering every question with one of these responses: “Because I said so” or “I don’t know why it just is…”

The toddler tried a few more questions. But, Mom didn’t give in. I heard her say, “Maybe. We’ll have to find out later.” The toddler became quiet and looked right at me. I smiled in the most non-creepy way I could. She looked away (probably thinking this weirdo has been following us all over the place.)

In a matter of minutes, the toddler fell asleep in the shopping cart. Wow!! Mom stopped answering, and the toddler GAVE UP! And THIS (as Montell Jordan would sing), IS HOW WE DO IT! I put my hand up to high five the Mom, but for obvious reasons, she turned and went the other way.

Of course, the difference between OCD and a toddler is that the child evolves. Her crawl becomes a walk. But more importantly, she becomes intellectually disciplined. Over time the toddler uses experience and reasoning as a guide to belief and action.

OCD is incapable of developing these critical thinking skills. 

I’m reminded of another song, by A Great Big World called, Say Something I’m Giving Up On You:

Say something; I’m giving up on you
I’ll be the one if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would’ve followed you
Say something; I’m giving up on you.
And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

OCD knows nothing at all…hence the nonstop questions. Everything is over its head. And if you don’t talk to it…it feels small and retreats to slumber.

And I will stumble and fall
I’m still learning to love
Just starting to crawl
Say something; I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you

Finally, bossy pants OCD, admits it’s still crawling. It knows nothing at all. That’s right OCD!!! You can’t GET TO ME!!!

Anywhere, I would’ve followed you
Say something; I’m giving up on you
And I will swallow my pride
You’re the one that I love
And I’m saying goodbye

Good! Bon Voyage, OCD! Sayonara! Hasta la vista, baby!

Go right ahead and give up on me, OCD!

Oh listen, OCD is begging now:

You can answer every question OCD asks and it will never learn anything. Stop answering its questions and it will give up on you.

Don’t answer OCD when it asks, “WHY” or “WHAT IF…”

DON’T ANSWER with anything except this script:

  • I don’t know why…it just is.
  • Maybe, maybe not; time will tell.
  • Whatever. Who cares. So what.
  • If it’s not happening now, it’s not happening.
  • At this moment, right here, right now…it’s pretty okay.
  • If that happens it will be unpleasant and I’ll deal with it.
  • There’s no way to know for sure. Time will tell.
  • I know you’re afraid, OCD. That’s because you know nothing at all.
  • I’d rather take the risk than live like this.

Hasta la vista means, “See you later.”  OCD will give up if you don’t try to reassure it. But, that doesn’t mean OCD won’t try again to engage you. Stick to the script. Even if it means sounding like a broken record.

How to Deal With OCD in 5 Seconds or Less

Here’s the problem with all the cool stuff you know about beating OCD. You can’t always remember the cool stuff. At least, not in the heat of the moment. When your anxiety is at a 6 or 7 (out of 7), you’re not going to remember much of anything that helps. You need something that doesn’t require a lot of thought. Something that takes less than 5 seconds.

It’s not your fault that you forget to use your tools! The reason you need a strategy that doesn’t take a lot of thought or mindfulness is that your Four Lobes (in your brain) are offline. When the Four Lobes are offline, the reptilian part of your brain takes over. Fight-Flight-Freeze. Danger-Danger-Danger. Fight-Flight-Freeze.

Your Four Lobes are there to help you. When the Four Lobes are online your brain is a lean, mean, fighting machine. The ability to be rational and logical is essential in beating OCD. But if your Four Lobes are offline, it’s impossible to think or feel like a reasonable person. Good news! You can get your Four Lobes online in less than 5 seconds.

The Four Lobes are Driven to Help You Adapt to Anything

Beating OCD

The Four Lobes remind you: If it’s not happening NOW…it’s NOT happening. Live in the moment and cross each bridge if you get there.

When the Four Lobes get deactivated, the ability to reason is lost. You need something that gets your Four Lobes back online. Something that doesn’t take a lot of thought and works in 5 seconds or less. Otherwise, you’ll spend days in your Threat-Alarm System.

The Threat-Alarm System is your Fear Center (a.k.a. Limbic System) and it is Driven to Alarm You!Beating OCD
Guess what triggers the Threat-Alarm System?

If you answered, “a worry” or “an unwanted, intrusive thought,” you’re WRONG!

OCD certainly spins a tangled web, but the tale itself isn’t what initially triggered the threat-alarm. At some level you know thoughts aren’t true, and feelings aren’t facts. But, something influences you, and suddenly you forget all of this. What influenced you? If you answered, “my thoughts,” you’re WRONG. 

Everybody gets weird, intrusive thoughts. Some people shrug them off. Some people don’t. Why? If it’s not the thought that triggers the fear. What else could it be? 

Plenty of people can touch doorknobs and eat food that fell on the floor. Almost 60% of people don’t even wash their hands after going to the bathroom. Why do some people care and others don’t?

The more you care about your unwanted, intrusive thoughts the more your Four Lobes will fail to function. The size, activity level and the number of neural connections will only increase in the fear center of your brain.

What makes people live in their Fear Center and others in their Four Lobes? We could certainly propose that anxious people were born with an overactive Fear Center. It would explain why you’re more likely to feel threatened and subsequently lash out, avoid or freeze-up. 

Maybe you weren’t born this way, and it has more to do with experiences early in life. Don’t worry. We’re not going to excavate or dig up those early life experiences. That certainly wouldn’t take 5 seconds! 

It’s probably a combination of nature and nurture that causes you to live in your Fear Center. But, what triggers your alarm system? Do your thoughts trigger your Fear Center or could it be something else?

Guess What Triggers Your Threat-Alarm System?

Your thoughts don’t trigger the alarm system. The trigger comes from sensory input. Something you saw, smelled, tasted, touched, or heard triggered your threat-alarm system. Anything you perceive requires sensory input.

Something you saw, smelled, tasted, touched, or heard is associated with a memory of an early learning experience. You probably don’t even remember what that experience was. It could have happened in real life or on TV. 

You think you’re afraid of something bad happening but oh….what tangled webs OCD weaves. The way it spins tales should earn it an Academy Award. OCD can make a story so believable that you think there’s fire where there’s only smoke.

The story is irrelevant. The sensory input is relevant. Stay away from the tale OCD is spinning. Do this instead:

  1. RECOGNIZE you were triggered by sensory input.
  2. Go into RELAXED BODY.

This will not take more than 5 seconds. Try it now. Set your stove or stopwatch to 10 seconds. Say, “Sensory input triggered me. Relax body.” Right now that might have taken you about 6 or 7 seconds to say, and you probably didn’t <YET> get into “relaxed body.” It’s okay with a little bit of practice look what you will learn to do in 5 seconds or less:

  1. You’ll notice the OCD tale,
  2. Attribute your anxiety to sensory input (not your thoughts or the OCD tale.)
  3. And get into the relaxed body

All in 5 seconds or less.

What Does “Relaxed Body” Mean?

Right now scan your neck and shoulders. Are they tight, tense, or stiff? Maybe you even have pain that travels down into your arm. Can you feel the knots and hard spots around your shoulders?

Your neck and shoulders have 12 bones. Your neck and shoulders are tight and tense when you’re not letting those 12 bones govern. You’re asking your muscles to do the work, and they can’t do it!

Your neck connects your body to your head. Imagine the responsibility! Your muscles can’t handle this job. They’re telling you this! Deuteronomy 31:27 “For I know how rebellious and stiff-necked you are.” Your muscles are rebelling! They don’t want the job! Let your bones do all the work.

OCD will spin tales until your neck and shoulder relax. As long as your muscles are tight, the Limbic system will stay online. Tight muscles signal danger. How can the Limbic system go offline when there is perceived danger. And the threat is first perceived by sensory input-not thought. 

We don’t have to figure out the specific sensory input. Just know it as a fact. Stay away from the OCD tale. Stick to the sensory input. Now ease into “relaxed body.”

This is not the same as relaxation therapy. We don’t have time for that or meditation. We only have less than 5 seconds. And we need to be able to do it on the go…we can’t go into a dimly lit room and take a break. This is done in real time.

How to Get Into “Relaxed Body”
  1. Let your bones do the work. When you turn over all responsibility to your bones, it will feel like you’re floating. Do this all day long! It’s not “set it and forget it.” Keep doing it whenever it occurs to you. It only takes 5 seconds! Or;
  2. Visualize that you are warming your hands over a fire or holding a warm beverage. Don’t close your eyes to do this. On the go just picture it in your mind. Or;
  3. Try to see what’s in your peripheral vision without moving your eyes from side to side. Or;
  4. Touch thumb to the index finger and say “sa”; thumb to the middle finger and say “ta”; thumb to ring finger and say “naa”; and thumb to pinky finger and say, “maa.” Or;
  5. Take deep breaths from the belly, not the chest. Inhale to the count of 4 and exhale to the count of 1. Your breath is portable; it goes wherever you go and this exercise can be done in real time.
Beating OCD Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated

These techniques counteract the stress response which will immediately put your Four Lobes online. Choose what works for you as long as it’s something you can do on the go. You don’t need something you have to do behind a closed door. Do it on the move. And it needs to be something you can do in 5 seconds that doesn’t take a lot of thought.

Not Buying That Something So Simple Can Work?

Despite my efforts to explain that anxiety is a helpful messenger telling you to change course, and reminding you to keep your Code of Honor, there are still many who see anxiety as an evil perpetrator. I can spend a whole day with clients and not once do they mention their Code of Honor. Instead, they want to talk about the tale OCD is spinning–which is so irrelevant!

So those of you who continue to see OCD as a perpetrator, “how long do you want this perpetrator in your brain and body?” When you spend your time listening to the tales being spun, how does that work out? Why keep doing something that doesn’t work? Every time you break your Code of Honor you will experience anxiety or depression.

Try this instead: Attribute your anxiety to sensory input not story. Whenever you are anxious or notice tension in your neck, shoulders (or stomach) get into “relaxed body” and see what happens to your perpetrator.  Focus on your Code of Honor. It’s much more meaningful than the OCD tale.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Dem Bones, Dem Bones Gonna Rise Again

Exposure & Response Prevention (ERP) Is Not Enough

Beat OCDI’m a big believer in ERP. But why stop there? Did you know you can beat OCD with your bones! I know, I know you keep hearing ERP is the way to go. Confronting fears changes lives. You even hear it from me. It’ll probably be on my tombstone. “The only way out is in.” But over the years I’ve learned there’s more to beating OCD than just confronting fears and resisting compulsions.

ERP is a slow method of facing fears by taking tiny little baby steps. It takes time to climb a hierarchy and become desensitized. It’s true ERP helps you build skills and gain confidence. But, unless you’re committed and determined it can take too long. Recovery can be spotty–two steps forward and five steps backward.

It’s not good enough to confront fears just so you can white-knuckle your way through life. It’s a complicated therapeutic process because in addition to confronting fears, you have to develop a very specific mindset–Mental Kung fu.

  • You have to embrace doubt and hunt down anxiety. “I want this anxiety and I want it to be intense.” That’s easier said than done, Tammy.
  • You have to see everything as a challenge and an opportunity to grow. Developing a growth mindset takes time and diligence but also a willingness to fail. That’s a tough pill to swallow, Tammy.

The effects of ERP and Mental Kung-Fu are not immediate. Many people get frustrated and quit. It’s hard to do this kind of therapy when the fear seems real and believable. It’s just easier to avoid and give in to compulsions.

Beat OCDIn the heat of the moment, it’s so hard to remember what to do. You know what the treatment principles are but when push comes to shove they don’t come to mind.

Are you feeling stuck? Do you keep forgetting to use your tools? Then you’re going to like this simple answer.

Your Bones Have the Answer

People who are anxious have tense muscles. They are constricted all of the time. If you can rely on your bones your muscles will relax. If your muscles relax then your frontal lobe goes back online. You gain clarity and insight to the point where your weird thoughts are just that…weird.

The Limbic System Needs to Be Offline

If your muscles are tight your limbic system is online. This is your default system. It’s the part of your brain that sounds alarms…especially false ones. It’s where you live day in and day out. You perceive danger when there is none.

Danger! Danger! Danger! That’s the message tight muscles give to your brain. This puts your limbic system in a frenzy. What kind of day does this give you? Fight, Flight or Freeze. You’re doing whatever you can to avoid pain and get certainty.

The Frontal Lobe Needs to Be Online

Your frontal lobe has to be functioning in order to beat OCD. Why? Because it’s the rational, logical part of your brain. If it’s functioning you will make good choices. You’ll choose to live your life and not feed OCD.

When your frontal lobe is offline your limbic system goes online. You’ll easily fall for OCD’s tricks. All the cool stuff you ever learned goes out the window. No frontal lobe…no choice. You will automatically feed OCD.

Your Bones Can Get Your Frontal Lobe Online

From now on put your trust in your bones. What bones? The video below offers a bit of humor but it’s also shared to remind you of all the bones you have in your body. Nevermind the joints. Look at the bones.

How To Beat OCD With Your Bones

You can beat OCD by being in a relaxed body. A relaxed body keeps your frontal lobe online. How do you get into a relaxed body? By letting your bones do all the work.

This is NOT relaxation therapy. Relaxation therapy is something you set aside time to do. It’s guided imagery and tightening and releasing muscles. Relaxation therapy doesn’t teach you to self-regulate anxiety. 

This is NOT meditation. Meditation is something you set aside time to practice. It also requires frontal lobe functioning. Many people with OCD have a terrible time meditating. That’s because the limbic system is online which makes you too hypervigilant to meditate. 

Using your bones will automatically put you in a “relaxed body.” The effect is immediate. Using your bones is done in real time. It’s not something you stop to do or set aside time to practice. Using your bones is done “on the go.” You do it the same time you are conversing or performing activities of daily living. 

This isn’t relaxation therapy, mindfulness or meditation. It’s not any kind of therapy. Learning to rely on your bones is part of normal human development.

I think anxiety exists to help you self-regulate and choose a path that leads you to your higher self. But, seeing one’s anxiety as helpful is a hard sell. Release your muscles and rely on your bones. It can only help to add this to your toolbox.

“But, Tammy this is very unlike you to talk about relaxing. Whenever I tell you I’m anxious you always say, “Good. You need the practice. You’re always telling me to go find ways to be anxious.” True. But how many of you agree with me? How many of you want to practice being anxious and hunt down triggers?

I’m not opposed to anything if it sets you free and changes your life for the better! A person who knows everything learns nothing. I’m not going to stop learning how to beat OCD. I will spend my life offering you hope. Besides, using your bones isn’t about relaxing. It’s simply about letting your bones do all the work. 

skill for OCDLook, you either see anxiety as a perpetrator or a friend. If you see anxiety as a friend then you use KAPOW. If you see anxiety as a perpetrator then I need to ask you something.

“How much longer do you want this perpetrator in your body?”

Have you had enough??? If you’ve suffered enough you’ll start using your bones. It’s simple. Every single time you use your bones the quality of your life improves. It’s impossible to experience stress when you use bones instead of muscles.

Every time you use your bones you’re restoring frontal lobe functioning. You immediately gain confidence and insight. If you see anxiety as a perpetrator then why wouldn’t you use your bones to eject it from your body? You can’t possibly be suffering enough to NOT try this!

How to Beat OCD With Your Bones

All you have to do is set your intentions to rely on your bones, not your muscles. It’s simple but hard. It’s hard because over the years you’ve put all of your weight and all of your stress on your muscles. It’s time to interrupt your default system. Let’s give your bones the job of carrying the burden, not your muscles. 

How to Do It

Beat OCDTell yourself, “My muscles aren’t needed. My bones do the work.” Find your “sit” bones. Place your hands, palm up on your bottom and rock side to side until you find your sit bones. (Once you’ve found them you won’t need to keep touching them. You’ve created an anchor in your memory.)

Whether you are standing or sitting imagine that your “sit” bones are holding you up. If you’re standing your knees might get wobbly. It’s ok just adjust a little. If you’re sitting you might feel a bit floppy–like a wet noodle. It’s okay just adjust a little.

Do this in real time. While you are listening or talking to someone put all your weight on your sit bones. Whatever activity you’re engaged in trust your bones not your muscles to help you complete the task.

But, Tammy doesn’t this require frontal lobe functioning? How will I remember to do this if my frontal lobe is offline? This takes no more than 5 seconds each time you do it. There’s not a lot of thought put into using your bones. In fact, there’s just enough space between a trigger and your response to remembering to use your bones. This does not require deep thinking or full body attention. 

Trigger   <<Space>>  Response (no compulsion)

In the space shift your weight to your bones. Even if you forget after you’re triggered, you’ll probably notice how tight you feel. Do it then…shift responsibility to your bones.

It’s also possible to use your bones in the space before a trigger.

<<Space>>  Trigger  <<Space>>  Response (no compulsion)

But, Tammy if I use my bones before or after a trigger, which interrupts the anxiety, am I not neutralizing the anxiety which you always tell us not to do? If you’re not confronting your fears and not embracing anxiety AND still avoiding and using compulsions AND white-knuckling your way through it’s because YOU’RE MAKING YOUR MUSCLES DO ALL THE WORK.

Soldiers with PTSD tried Exposure Therapy with terrible effect. When they learned to trust their bones and release the muscles from such a heavy burden…they got better!

I’m not telling you to use your bones to neutralize anxiety. This is just normal human development. It’s what the rest of the population without an anxiety disorder does! You can be on the same playing field as everybody else!

I’m still telling you to confront your fears. I’m still telling you not to feel sorry for yourself because you have unwanted intrusive thoughts. I’m still telling you to not argue with OCD. I still don’t think OCD or anxiety is a perpetrator…But, I think you do.

Even if you use your bones you’ll still have weird thoughts. You can’t control what you think. You can’t control what triggers you. But, you can put your attention and energy where you do have control…You can shift your weight to your bones. This is something you control! Take control all day long!

  • It’s simple.
  • It takes no more than 5 seconds.
  • It’s done in real time, on the go.
  • Every time you do it your life improves. So do it all day!
  • The effect is immediate.

Dem bones, Dem bones…Are you going to use them and rise up?

The Skillset Every Person With OCD Needs

Every person with OCD needs this skillset.

It’s called, KAPOW!!! 

Many people say they forget what to do when their anxiety is high or the OCD thoughts seem so real.

All you have to do is remember KAPOW! It’s an acronym you need to memorize. In the heat of the moment, use it!skill for OCD

K= Kooky. The quickest remedy for OCD is to respond to its strange thoughts with silliness. Get Kooky!

OCD: What if (that terrible thing happens?)

Kooky: Not only could that possibly happen, but this might too! Go over the top. Be outlandish. To make it even kookier, say it with an accent!

Getting Kooky is a way to tease OCD. “Oh yeah, OCD? You think that bothers me? Hah! Watch this!!!”

Be paradoxical. Lean in when OCD says lean out. If you’re having trouble getting unstuck from a thought or worry, look for a way to get Kooky.

You know what helps in a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious way? Get somebody else to be Kooky with you.

A= Agree. strategy for OCD

OCD: Oh no, this means [some bad thing] is going to happen.

Agree: Maybe. Time will tell. 

Don’t waste your time disagreeing with OCD. If you have OCD or are helping someone with OCD, it’s better to not argue with OCD. Nod your head and pretend to agree. “I hear you OCD. You might be right. Time will tell.”

Accepting uncertainty is vital. OCD will always have an opportunity to lead you astray if you don’t play along and say, “Maybe” to OCD.

Trying to ignore OCD does not work! OCD is like a telemarketer that won’t stop calling until you pick up! It’s just that when you pick up say, KAPOW!

This is no time to slump

P=Punch.

OCD: You’re too tired. You don’t have what it takes today.

Punch: I am tired. Let’s see what 10 jumping jacks can do.

Check your body language. Get into a competitive stance. Sit up. Stand up. Use your anxiety as energy to move onward…not downward. 

I’m not suggesting that you punch OCD in the face. I haven’t found that hating OCD is very helpful. I’m suggesting that you see your exhaustion as a challenge. Besides, even friends spar in a boxing ring. 

Every person with OCD needs Kapow!

O= Onward.  

OCD strategies
Convert anxiety into energy

OCD: This day is dreadful and best approached with avoidance.

Onward: There’s an action I need to take and I’m taking it.

Think of your anxiety as a Global Positioning System (GPS). Most everyone uses a GPS to reach an unfamiliar destination. You enter the address and the GPS tells you when to turn. If you don’t take the recommended turns your GPS will recalculate.

When your internal GPS recalculates it sends you a signal that feels like anxiety. It’s simply telling you that you’re not taking the path you’re supposed to take. The anxiety is used to get your attention and help you move onward.

Your GPS will keep recalculating until you take the path you’re supposed to take.

If you have anxiety consider which of the following messages it’s trying to give you:  

  1. Are you avoiding or neglecting something? Your GPS is sending you a signal to attend to a need or confront a fear. Until you take the necessary action you’re GPS is going to keep recalculating.
  2. Do you feel vulnerable? Your body knows when you don’t have enough energy to deal with everything on your plate. The anxiety is reminding you to stay in the here and now, take one priority at a time and replenish your fuel throughout the day.
  3. Are you tackling something that is above your “pay grade?” Are you trying to do something you don’t know how to do? It’s time to get coached and sharpen your skills. Reach out! Your GPS is telling you to stop and get directions!
  4. If you’re hiding something then you’ll feel guilty which is just adding to your stress. I’m not talking about the guilt you feel from your OCD thoughts. That’s just straightforward inappropriate guilt because nobody can help what they think. I’m talking about guilt caused by a non-OCD thought or event. Are you keeping secrets from your accountability partner? Your GPS will keep recalculating until you tell the truth. 
  5. Your attitude needs a front-end alignment. Perhaps you’re having a pity party. “Why is this happening to me? This isn’t fair.” Self-pity sits in the middle of your soul and eats everything nearby, except itself. Your GPS is telling you that whatever you are experiencing it’s a challenge and an opportunity to grow. Remember, it’s not what happens to you that matters, it’s how you react to what happens that counts. Make this your motto: Change, learn and grow!
  6. Does your lifestyle need a change? If you’re eating sugar, nightshade plants, or drinking too much caffeine, your GPS will signal toxicity and try to flush it out of your system with anxiety pushing through your veins. Ever experience an increase in urinary frequency when anxious? Now you know why. Your GPS is trying to rid you of toxins. 
  7. You’re not hanging up on the conversation fast enough. OCD is like a robocall telemarketer. If you don’t answer, it keeps calling.  Answer the phone, say something KOOKY with an accent and HANG UP! No more discussion! When you start conversing with OCD you’re headed for a wrong turn and your GPS is yelling at you to find the nearest U-turn!

Think of anxiety as your friend. Your negative evaluation of anxiety is getting in your way. Anxiety is trying to steer you in the right direction.

OCD strategiesW= WW__D? What would (the most reasonable person you know) do?  Copy them! It’s hard to know for sure whether a thought or worry is OCD. Ask yourself what your BFF would do.

OCD: I don’t think you should do that.

WWTD: OCD, you have zero life experience. Everything scares you. I don’t have to do or avoid anything that ________ (the most reasonable person you know) doesn’t.

If you have OCD, say KAPOW!

Want some help facing uncertainty? Add this book to your toolbox!

How to Survive the Holidays (Hint: It’s Probably Captain Obvious.)

How to Survive the Holidays

Resist compulsions
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. (Yes, you can.)

Q: “How do we recharge so we have the energy to resist compulsions? I find my compulsions spike for a variety of reasons in the days with shorter daylight, less healthy eating (i.e. holiday parties and sweets) and the stress of shopping for a perfect gift every year.”

We are all resisting something and especially around this time of year, it’s even more challenging. Normal everyday routines get interrupted. Way too much sugar is consumed. The blue sky is rarely seen. 

How to Get Fortified During the Holidays

You could easily Google and learn what to do. Honestly, I bet you don’t even have to perform an Internet search to know how to get refortified. You know this stuff!

  1. Don’t overschedule. Put your mental health first.  
  2. Get pumped up or calmed down by listening to your favorite music. 
  3. Laugh and laugh again. “Big Bang Theory” does it for me! How about you? What makes you laugh?
  4. Call your guilt what it is (inappropriate.)
  5. Count your blessings. Practice gratitude.
  6. Exercise at least 7 minutes a day. Get your heart pumping!
  7. Follow your treatment plan no matter what! Don’t seek reassurance. Tease your OCD through exposure exercises. “Oh yeah, OCD! You think that bothers me? Ha! Watch this.”
  8. Eat a hearty breakfast. Refuel throughout the day on blueberries, nuts, seeds and even some organic honey. Substitute mango for cookies.
  9. Say no. Learn to be assertive. Say what you mean but don’t say it mean. Now is not the time to “yes” everybody! You don’t have enough fuel!
  10. Find a balance between “me” time and sociable activities. 
  11. Use aromatherapy, take Vitamin D and use a lightbox.
  12. Get grounded. Hug trees and play outside!
  13. Go off the grid and have a tech-free day. Find something to do that doesn’t involve a screen. 
  14. Plan a getaway for mid-winter or take a day trip.
  15. Say no to perfection and yes to learning. Watch this Kobe Bryant video on Growth Mindset vs. Success Mindset. He’s got it all figured out for you!
  16. Be willing and open to whatever happens next.

I doubt the list above is news to you. You can thread the needle through 1-16 and know you’ll be connecting one positive to another. Positive in equals positive out.

You know this stuff. It’s very tough for people to apply what they know. (This has been proven in studies.) It’s why repetition is a big part of ERP. You need practice. Practice makes…progress.

So, you know me…I like to think outside of the box. Let me try to add something else to your toolbox.

How to Get Fortified During the Holidays

Don’t ever forget that there are plenty of people in the same situation as you. Like others, you always get out of this mess. I think the Bible says it best:

“If one member suffers, all suffer together…and if one member is honored, we all rejoice together.”

~1 Corinthians 12:26

You Are Part of A Community

holiday stress
It’s you, and you and you and me, always.

It’s important to remember you are never alone. If you suffer we all suffer. The way I see it, no one is healed until everybody is healed. Even if you were cured of OCD, there’d still be others suffering.

“As long as someone is suffering so shall I.” 

There is pain all around us. I’m not trying to minimize your pain. I just think it’s pointless to strive to be free of pain. Even if I’m doing okay, I’m still going to feel pain if someone else is in pain. And you know what? I’m okay with that pain. 

We are all facing challenges and being tested in some way. We’re in this together. Believe in something bigger than you. Individually we are a cog in a big wheel. Together…there ain’t no mountain high enough.

Join something bigger than you, and you will get fortified.

**I belong to the Global Citizen community. This way I keep a bird’s eye view so that I don’t get too small in my thinking. (For example, I didn’t know you could buy a goat in a vending machine!)

The Power of the Heart

…and if one member is honored, we all rejoice together.

When a client breaks free from OCD, it’s the best day of my life. (I’ve had a lot of best days!) It happened this week!

Almost one year ago OCD hijacked her brain. She fought so hard to reclaim her life. It was clear from the moment I met her that she’d had enough of OCD.

The key to beating OCD

How did she fight? She stopped avoiding. She surrendered. “Maybe that will happen OCD, and if it does, so be it.” Surrendering is not giving up. It’s letting go. “I’d rather have that happen than live like this.” It’s knowing what you’re fighting for. “I care more deeply about this than that.” 

When a client breaks free, it’s like I’m meeting him or her for the first time. We’ve been working together but, it’s really been OCD in the room.

This week OCD wasn’t in the room. The day finally came. She looked peaceful. I could tell something had changed. She smiled and said, “I feel like myself again.” I couldn’t wait to do my happy dance! 

>> Happy Dance <<

To celebrate victories is an exchange of energy from the most potent electromagnetic field of the body—the heart.

I believe wholeheartedly the care you have for others can be transmitted and transferred to the people near your happy dance.

Imagine if we all did happy dances for each other.

Is it Okay to Use Distraction to Resist a Compulsion?

 

Resist compulsions
Oh! Shiny lights…

Is it okay to use distraction in order to resist a compulsion? If you don’t know the answer to this question, keep reading. If you think you know the answer to this question…keep reading. 

The argument for distracting is twofold. 

1.) First, distraction can be used to delay the compulsion. When the urge to perform a compulsion or mental act arises you shift your attention away.

If you delay the compulsion long enough, it’s believed that you might forget all about the urge to do the compulsion. But, if you give in and perform the compulsion, at least you put it off and found a way to do it by distracting.

2.) The second purpose for using distraction is to avoid anxiety.

The evaluation of anxiety, in this example, is that it’s crippling and therefore should be avoided. Stay busy and try not to have any downtime. If while trying to push through a fear you become overwhelmed and panicky, use a distraction to get relief.

So…Is it OK to Use Distraction to Resist a Compulsion?

Authors of “Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts,” Martin Seif and Sally Winston state, “As with all anxiety disorders, avoidance of anxiety is both what maintains and strengthens it.” They advise therapists, “Overcoming the disorder means counterintuitively moving clients toward experiences that increase their distress.”

On the other hand, Fletcher Wortmann, an OCD-Thriver and author of Triggered: A Memoir of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder  explains: “There is no shame in occasional escapism.”

Resist compulsions
Fight Flight Freeze

At this point, it’s important to note there is plenty of research that proves distraction lessens the limbic system (the fight, flight, freeze) response probably more than any other form of emotional regulation.

That’s why many talk therapists encourage clients to distract from their anxiety by hyper-focusing on the minutia of the environment (using the five senses.) Another technique often taught is to hold an ice cube until the anxiety goes away.

However, OCD therapists don’t typically teach distraction because we’ve learned: “You don’t stop OCD by distracting.” Even today I found this on the International OCD Foundation website: “The most common false fear blockers are physical and mental compulsions, distraction, avoidance, and reassurance seeking.”

Yet, studies show that focusing attention away from an unpleasant feeling/thought reduces the intensity of the suffering. Likewise, the innovative people at treatmyocd.com have created an app called nOCD, a free mobilized personal treatment app. One of its features is an “SOS” button to assist with distraction.

I downloaded the app and found it to be an excellent resource for people with OCD, especially for those self-directing their Exposure & Response Prevention(ERP) therapy. It’s hard enough to try ERP with a therapist but think about the people who have no access to an OCD therapist.

However, I was concerned about the “SOS” button. Afterall, OCD therapists are discouraged from teaching distraction.  

Consider these possible disadvantages of intentional distraction: 
Resisting compulsions
Is it ok to use a distraction to resist a compulsion?
  • You’re only learning how to avoid or delay the anxiety. New pathways won’t be created. Confidence levels will decrease.
  • Eventually, you’ll find yourself face to face with whatever drove you to distraction in the first place.  At some point, you’ll run out of the ability to distract. What will you do when there’s no way to distract? You’re only good at what you practice.
  • Focusing away from the anxiety means less attention on the opportunity to grow and more attention on living just above the surface.
  • Distracting may slow down the healing process and for some people, they can’t afford to waste any more time. OCD has already taken too much.

So…Is it OK to Use Distraction to Resist a Compulsion?

I emailed the people behind the app, who by the way have all personally lived with OCD and know exactly what it feels like to live with it each and every day. Their opinion matters a lot to me.

I want to support the app but I explained I was concerned about the “SOS” feature which is used for distraction. This was the response they gave for me to include in this blog post:

  • I understand your approach and agree that distraction isn’t the answer, but it obviously depends on the person.
  • The SOS feature has really helped people in times of intense suffering and continues to help people get through severe OCD episodes.
  • I really like what you said about teaching the brain that anxiety at all levels is not only tolerable but wanted. In my personal experiences, really encouraging the anxiety and wanting to feel the intense anxiety can actually make the episodes less intense.
  • The app saves/tracks data. Makes it so easy to share evidence-based info with your therapist or others who want to learn more.
  • It’s also important to highlight that each of our team members has personal experience with the current treatment system: it’s very difficult to find a qualified OCD specialist, it’s extremely expensive, insurance doesn’t usually help much for mental health issues, etc.

I think we’re all on the same page.

There are people who haven’t <<yet>> learned to just go ahead and experience the anxiety. Thankfully, nOCD can help people get through intense anxiety with it’s SOS feature. There’s nothing wrong with getting a reprieve from something you don’t know how to manage.

When you push the SOS button it asks if you’re struggling with an anxiety-producing thought or a strong urge to do a compulsion. The app helps you to face your fear or resist a compulsion. But, if the anxiety gets too overwhelming, hit the SOS button and the app will try to help distract you.

nOCD does far more than help with distraction by the way. The app not only teaches you how to use ERP but also takes you through each step. A video lesson is included and step-by-step guidance is given. nOCD collects and saves all your effort and provides a visual of your progress. This app is a great in-between session tool for people in therapy. For people who don’t have a therapist this app can take you through the same steps a therapist would. 

So…Is it OK to Use a Distraction to Resist a Compulsion? 

Resist compulsions
Every day with OCD is April Fool’s Day…Be ready!

Avoiding anxiety isn’t a drill that develops a skill. 

In order to beat OCD, you’ll need to develop the skill of allowing weird thoughts and uncomfortable feelings. You don’t beat OCD by distracting.

But, not all distraction is bad.

Life itself is a distraction. There are people to see, things to do and places to go. Living your life to the fullest may very well distract you from your thoughts and anxiety. Here’s a Mom who explains this concept very well: Proactive vs. Reactive Distractions

Unintended Distraction

I’ve created a Puzzle Book that is in Beta testing. I designed it to be a mild exposure exercise so that people with the doubting disease can confront their dislike for uncertainty. Some of the people testing it for me have already commented that time flies when they work on the puzzles.

Resist compulsions
Face it with a puzzle

The puzzlers expected an exposure exercise with a bit of anxiety. Although this puzzle book is by far the least anxiety-provoking of the 10, I didn’t anticipate it would be such a pleasant distraction!  

The point is there was no intention to be distracted. Sometimes an exposure exercise ends up being easier than thought. It makes it easier to go on to the next exposure. Always build momentum.

Today’s Best Advice On How to Resist Compulsions:

Deliberately hitting the “distraction” button when you feel overwhelmed needs to be seen as a stepping stone, not a crutch. If you intentionally distract to avoid and continue this strategy…well, read the disadvantages above again. 

If you hit the “distraction” button, learn from it. Maybe you tried something too hard. Find an exposure exercise that challenges you–but doesn’t cause panic.

Be self-reflective about your motive for distracting. If you choose to distract, be mindful of what you’re doing. 

If life distracts you…if there are moments you forget you even have OCD…that sounds wonderful to me.

Please feel free to add your thoughts about distraction in the comments. As always, I’ll keep your name anonymous.

Resisting compulsions
Everything you ever wanted to know about how to resist compulsions

 

Are you addicted to compulsions?

Resisting compulsions
Questions? I can help!

If you have questions about how to resist compulsions add them to the comment section on this post. I’ll be sure to address your questions and give you…The Best Advice On How to Resist Compulsions

Forget Compulsions, Try This Instead!

Resisting compulsive behavior is one of the hardest parts of your recovery.

Finding the willpower to say, “No!” to OCD

Finding the willpower to resist compulsions requires energy you don’t think you have. But, it’s no mystery where that energy can be found. 

You’ll find the willpower to resist compulsions eagerly awaiting you in two places: Your mindset and your body.

What Kind of Mindset Do You Have 

Here are a few questions to test your mindset. Do you want to:

  • be all better or getting better?
  • stay in the comfort zone or be challenged?
  • succeed or grow?
  • be all-knowing or always learning?
  • avoid anxiety or seek it out?
  • have certainty or live with uncertainty?
Resisting compulsions
A love for learning is better than a fear of failing

Success Mindset

If you chose answers mainly in the blue then you have a Success Mindset.

  • Your agenda or plan for daily life is fixed and rigid.
  • You care deeply about failure, inadequacies, and outcomes.
  • The capability of taking an action can’t occur until an emotion is felt first. (e.g. “I can’t do anything until I feel ready and right about it.”)
  • What people think of you matters very much.
  • You tend to be self-loathing and easily frustrated with what appears to be a lack of progress.
  • Everything is seen in all or nothing terms. 
  • The path you’re on always needs to be definite, clear and unmistakable.
  • Effortless is preferred over effortfulA student with school anxiety who makes it to school five out of five days is pleased with meeting the goal of attendance. (Focuses on outcome) Had she attended four out of five days she’d have felt like a failure because everything is either all or nothing. (Values perfection.) 

Finding the Willpower to Resist Compulsive Behavior

Growth Mindset

If you chose answers mainly in the green then you have a growth mindset.

  • You’re curious and flexible about daily life.
  • If something doesn’t go as planned you easily adjust.
  • Your focus is on finding hard challenges and opportunities for personal development.
  • The process of getting from A to B is more important to you than the outcome.
  • Celebrating your victories is not something you do enough.
  • Practicing gratitude and counting your blessings is something you do often.
  • You prefer daily tasks and life experiences to be effortful–full of variety and challenges. A person who deletes 24,000 emails out of 26,000 (egads something I need to do!!!) focuses on the effort it took to sit there and do that! She doesn’t become discouraged that the inbox is still full.

A student with school anxiety who makes it to school each day of the week is pleased with how incredibly hard she worked to get there each day. (Focuses on effort) Had she attended four out of five days she would be proud of her effort and look forward to working harder next week. A setback is a setup for a breakthrough. (Values experience.)

It’s harder to find the willpower to resist compulsive behavior if you have a success mindset.

Here’s how to get out of the success (or fixed) mindset and shift into a growth mindset:

  1. Focus on your incredibly hard work and effort. Remember, “If you had fun you won?” That’s an example of focusing on effort, not outcome.  To use a growth mindset to resist compulsions here’s another cheer: “If you had anxiety and abstained you won.” (i.e., abstained from compulsive behavior.)
  2. Drills develop skills.  Appreciate the value of experiencing anxiety. It gives you an opportunity to practice your skills. You get good at what you practice. If you’re avoiding anxiety, you won’t get good at experiencing it. Hunt down anxiety. Go find it and experience it.
  3. Be curious about your anxiety. “Hmmm, it’s so fascinating how my body can put butterflies in my stomach. I wonder how my body does that.” Focus on the experience of anxiety, not the story about why the butterflies are there. How not why.
  4. Ask, “what does anxiety make possible?” One young man told me that his anxiety makes him a better football player. “How’s that?” I asked. He explained, “I’ve got some big guys I have to block. They’re a lot bigger than me. My anxiety gives me the energy to do it.”
  5. Do your values need a realignment? What is it that you value? A sense of security or experiencing something new? What do you care deeply about? Being with loved ones or avoiding anxiety? Values drive behavior. Make sure your priorities represent your values.
  6. Don’t get caught up in OCD’s story about something bad happening. To focus on the story is nothing but a trick! This is about your anxiety. Stay focused on the true issue. You don’t need compulsions. You need experience.

Resisting Compulsive Behavior and Mental Acts

The Physicality of Anxiety

You can use your body to resist compulsions.

Super Pose
You aren’t the boss of me!

Stand up like a superhero. Look OCD in the eyes with your hands on your hips. Chin up. Shoulders back. 

Don’t contain all the energy from anxiety inside one area of the body. If you clutch your chest, cover your head with your hands or make fists where can the anxiety go? 

Experience the Anxiety

Notice where you experience anxiety and stay with the sensation. Don’t go into the sensation. Notice it like a bystander. Think of it like a neighbor who is visiting. “Oh, passing through again?”

Oh no…did you just ask, “But, what if I don’t want the neighbor to visit?” This question reflects your mindset. It’s not a growth mindset. You’re not valuing learning and developing. You need the “neighbor” to visit so that you can gain experience. Keep working on your mindset until you can welcome the “neighbor.”

Stay with the experience of anxiety and away from the story about something bad happening.

The Physicality of Anxiety: Discover where the sensation of anxiety is located in your body. 
  • Ask your body, “What part of you wants my attention right now?
  • Say hello to the bodily sensation of anxiety. “Ah ha, there you are.”
  • Where in your body do you feel the anxiety? Perhaps it’s unclear. Maybe it’s puzzling, numb or fuzzy. Stay focused on finding the sensation. Keep hunting down the anxiety in your body. 
  • Your OCD story is irrelevant. We’re not doing exposure exercises right now. This exercise is not about your story. It’s about anxiety. 

    Resist Compulsive Behavior by Finding the Anxiety In Your Body

  • Describe the sensation of anxiety in great detail as if trying to get someone else to understand what it feels like.
  • Just notice it. “I feel it here.” Describe it in great detail. Are any of these descriptive words a good fit: 

-Is there any tightness or pressure? Where do you feel it?

-Does your skin have any pain, tingling, prickling, twitching, itching? Where on your body is this occurring? 

-What is the temperature of the sensation?

-Is there any motion and if so what is the speed at which it is traveling? 

-Can you taste or smell anything?

-Does this sensation have any particular size, shape, weight, texture, or color? 

-Can you hear any sounds in your ears like buzzing or ringing? 

  • Once you’ve described the sensation, get curious about how your body creates these sensations. Don’t ask why. Ask how. Curiosity is the opposite of anxiety. 
  • When your mind tries to wander to an OCD story, keep bringing your focus back to the physicality of your anxiety. Focus. Notice. Focus. Notice. Experience it fully by describing it and getting fascinated.
Let this sink in: Just because you’re anxious when you resist a compulsion doesn’t mean something is wrong.

Experiencing anxiety is (unfortunately) not what you’ll usually be told to do. But truly, the only way out is in. You can’t master anxiety by avoiding it! 

Resist Compulsions
Get into position!
Today’s Best Advice on Resisting Compulsive Behavior:

You can’t be limp when it’s time to resist a compulsion. Rise up like you mean it! Be firm. Stay with the anxiety not the story. Experience the physicality of anxiety.

Resisting compulsions
Everything you ever wanted to know about how to resist compulsions

 

“If resisting compulsions is the right thing to do then why does it feel so horrible to resist them?”

Resisting compulsions
Questions? I can help!

If you have questions about how to resist compulsions be sure to add them to the comment section on this post. I’ll be sure to address your questions and give you…

The Best Advice On How to Resist Compulsions

There’s Only One Reason For a Compulsion

What Is the True Purpose of a Compulsion?

A compulsive behavior is defined as a compelling need to persistently and repeatedly perform a visible or mental act. If you have OCD then you’ve probably explained to someone that the reason you perform compulsions is to “feel just right” and/or prevent harm.

OCD stories
OCD has quite an imagination

There is usually an elaborate story to explain the compulsion even further:

“My mind tells me to do compulsions or my son might die.” That’s quite a Marvel-ish story! Actually, you’re not a superhero and your mind tells you to do compulsions because you haven’t <<YET>> learned how to super charge your anxiety.

“I threw my phone out because my mind told me it was contaminated and I’d spread sickness to others.” Your mind gives you a very expensive way to avoid anxiety. Just throw stuff out! You’ll have lots of $$$$ when you decide to just be anxious.

“My mind tells me I can’t move forward with this task until I have designed a Grand Ole’ Master Plan for the next 10 years of my life.” Your mind tells a very rigid, controlled story because you haven’t <<YET>> learned how to experience uncertainty.

“My mind tells me that I am living a fake life. What if I don’t really love this person. Maybe I’m actually gay.” Your mind goes into overdrive to try and protect whatever is precious and sacred to you because you haven’t <<YET>> mastered anxiety.

“My mind tells me I have a health condition. Even though I’ve had negative results from numerous blood tests, x-rays and other procedures I still think I’ve got a serious condition that the doctors are missing.” 

Your mind is right. You probably do have a health condition like the rest of the population. We all die of something! You keep trying to find out what that condition is because you haven’t <<YET>> learned how to live with uncertainty.

The True Purpose of A Compulsion Revealed

The only reason you truly perform compulsions is to AVOID:

  • suffering
  • being cast aside or abandoned (which brings us back to suffering)
  • experiencing a catastrophic event that results in irreversible damage (which brings us back to suffering)

Why will you do just about anything to avoid suffering? Because you haven’t taken the time to think it through and realize that you can handle the suffering. No matter what happens you are always capable of growing and changing.

The other day I had a terrible thought on my mind. I’d been told something that freaked me out and my mind became sticky. By 3am I still couldn’t shake the thought. My fear was that this thought would not leave anytime soon and that I would have this very gross unwanted thought stuck in my mind for days on end. 

Finally, I stopped wrestling. I reminded myself of what I tell my clients, “The only way out is in.” I had to lean into this thought. I made my mind deliberately think of the graphic pictures and I agreed with my fear, “Yes, this sideshow could play for days on end.”

The shrug didn’t work. I thought I would get relief from surrendering to the thought but I didn’t. At 5am it occurred to me that I would be starting another day with this horrific haunting unwanted thought. 

I shrugged again and this time said, “It’s going to be a very unpleasant difficult day but I can handle it.” I CAN HANDLE IT. At that point, the movie projector abruptly stopped playing the horrible picture in my mind.

Just typing this to tell you about the unwanted thought I had is triggering the thought. But, this time I am much quicker to say, “Okay. If this picture gets stuck in my mind again it’ll be unpleasant but I can handle it.” ~By the way this story is proof that everybody gets weird disturbing thoughts. Not just people with OCD.

Behind Every OCD Story is an Attempt to Avoid Suffering

The mother with harm-avoidance OCD won’t touch her baby until she has scrubbed in the shower for an hour. She explains, “I have to shower so I don’t get the baby sick.” In other words: “I won’t forgive myself. I’ll feel guilty. (Suffer) I don’t want to be responsible if the baby gets sick. (Blamed, cast aside and suffer) If my baby gets sick she’ll die.” (catastrophic thinking and suffering)

But, all of it is just a story. The story is quite irrelevant. Especially considering the baby needs to get sick. Compulsions just don’t make sense. Besides the baby not building an immune system that reach for a hug has to wait until the shower is over.  Compulsions don’t help. They hurt.

The woman with relationship OCD (ROCD) isn’t sure she truly loves her significant other so she constantly seeks confirmation that she’s in the right relationship. Most of the compulsive behavior is comparing and contrasting. She repeatedly checks to see if he measures up or if she has the right feelings at the right time.

Resist compulsions
Everything is a learning opportunity

She explains, “I just don’t want to make a mistake and waste our lives.” That explanation of not wanting to waste lives or time doesn’t make sense. No matter what happens we are capable of growth and change. 

In every great relationship, there is doubt and imperfection. We never know how anything will turn out. (Anyone who claims to have certainty is afraid of uncertainty.) We must be willing to find out from moment to moment what happens. If what happens includes suffering, you can handle it because you are capable of growth and change.

OCD stories
The story is irrelevant

A compulsion has nothing to do with the storyline or the characters in the story. 

It’s really about learning how to experience anxiety.

Everybody with OCD has a story that incorporates people, places and things of value and importance. OCD thoughts and worries seem to always be overly protective about whatever is precious and sacred to you. 

An OCD story is usually accompanied by an inflated sense of responsibility. The belief that you can and must control an outcome beyond human capability or above what is normally expected of others.

Compulsive Behavior Best Describes…

Peel any OCD story like an onion and at the very core, you’ll find the true reason for compulsions: An aversion to discomfort. Let all of this sink in:

  • If you suffer from sickness what will you feel? Pain. (Discomfort)
  • If you are abandoned what will you feel? Loneliness. (Discomfort)
  • If someone you love is annihilated what will you feel? Heartbroken. (Discomfort)
  • If you keep having bad thoughts how will you feel? Guilty. (Discomfort)
  • If you feel gross what will you feel? Yuck. (Discomfort)
  • If you don’t feel just right, what will you feel? Just wrong. (Discomfort)
  • If you’ve wasted your time or someone else’s time what will you feel? Empty. Guilty. (Discomfort)
  • If you die from a fatal accident or deadly disease what will you feel? Who knows. (Discomfort)
  • If God is disappointed with you what will you feel? God’s supposed wrath. I personally don’t subscribe to this belief but I know there are people who think of God as quick to anger and this causes them pain. (Discomfort) 
A compulsive behavior is defined as an attempt to avoid experiencing discomfort.

There Is Freedom In Surrendering

Contrary to what an individual with OCD thinks, compulsions do NOT prevent suffering, abandonment or annihilation. This is a cover-up story. All things considered, compulsions only temporarily neutralize anxiety while at the same time making your world and self-esteem small.

Radically accept uncertainty in all walks of life and there is no need to perform another compulsion. When you accept, “whatever happens, happens” you are surrendering to feeling uncomfortable and compulsions no longer have a role in your day to day existence. Cross each bridge when you get to it. If you get to it.

In the book Supersurvivors: The Surprising Link Between Suffering and Success authors Feldman and Kravetz explain that giving up is sometimes the only way to move forward. Truly accept the consequences of a potential unwanted event or feeling and there’s no need for compulsions. Let’s just move on.

Most importantly, accept that because of your lack of control over what happens, you may suffer from the uncertainty. It’s okay. You are capable of handling it. There’s a direct correlation between the amount of suffering you feel and the amount of growth you experience.

The more you see an opportunity to grow the less suffering you experience.

News Flash! Compulsions Do Not:

  • Prevent suffering. They cause it.
  • Protect you from abandonment. They actually isolate you and push people away. 
  • Keep you or anyone else alive. They rob you of spending time with loved ones.

It’s a dysfunctional belief that compulsions do something good. First and foremost, compulsions do nothing but gobble you up. With every compulsion, you’re losing a part of you. 

Most of all, it’s a myth that anxiety is debilitating. Your resistance to experiencing anxiety is crippling you. You’ve got to go towards the anxiety. You can do anything with anxiety. You can’t-do much by avoiding.

Today’s Best Advice On How to Resist Compulsions:

Lean into the anxiety and you’ll earn your freedom. You don’t need a compulsion if you’re willing to be anxious. Remember, you can handle any consequence. You are always capable of growing and changing. 

Resisting compulsions
Everything you ever wanted to know about how to resist compulsions

 

“Forget Compulsions, Try This Instead”

Resisting compulsions
Questions? I can help!

If you have questions about how to resist compulsions be sure to add them to the comment section on this post. I’ll be sure to address your questions and give you…

The Best Advice On How to Resist Compulsions

48 Questions Most Frequently Asked By People with OCD

If you have OCD then at some point in your life, you’ve probably asked over half of these questions.

These Questions About OCD Are Very Reasonable to Ask

These questions will be answered in some form…in some manner…at some point… 

Questions About Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts

Why am I having these specific thoughts? Who cares? You’ll never figure it out.

Why am I obsessed about this and not something else? Your brain is on overdrive trying to protect something that is precious and sacred to you.

What do these thoughts say about me? They say that you’re thinking like the rest of us.

Shouldn’t I be able to control these thoughts and stop them? I’m sorry I didn’t know you had a power that no one else has.

Am I going to act on these thoughts? Time will tell. Meanwhile live your life.

Why do they seem so very, very real to me? Hmmm…Maybe thoughts are connected to the central NERVOUS system.

 Questions About “Why Me?”

What if I’m having these thoughts because they’re premonitions or it’s my intuition? Time to play the lottery then.

How do I know this is OCD? What if it’s not? Time will tell.

Did something happen in my past that gave me OCD? Whatever the case, when you’re ready to confront OCD you’ll have to suspend analysis.

It’s bad enough everything else I’m dealing with, and now this? It’s better to figure out what all of this makes possible. A positive mindset is like kryptonite to OCD. It deprives OCD of its powers. A negative mindset and a positive mindset can’t coexist. Only one can be the master.

What kind of God gives people OCD? It’s nothing more than an assumption that God is the cause of suffering. You can find no evidence of this. 

“I lift mine eyes to the hills; from where does my help come?” (Psalms 121:1-2) The psalmist isn’t saying his pain comes from God. He’s saying my help comes from God. 

For a life-changing read, get the book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner.

Shouldn’t everyone be worried about this? Follow the majority. In a room full of 100 people, how many would be worried. Not many? Then this is unreasonable worry.

Questions About Telling People

Should I tell people I have OCD? If you disclose do it gladly and don’t complain if people don’t give you the response you hoped for.

When do I let the person I’m dating know that I have OCD? What is the purpose of telling them? I’m not saying you shouldn’t. I’m asking what do you hope to achieve by telling them? I ask this question of my clients and my favorite answer is, “I think it’s time to tell them so that they understand I don’t need their protection. I want them to help me to confront, not avoid.”

My spouse doesn’t know what I obsess about. Should s/he? The content of your obsession is irrelevant. It’s more important that your significant other understand the nature of OCD and how he or she can help without feeding OCD.

Should I tell my job I have OCD? There’s no blanket answer for this. If you need reasonable accommodations then you’ll tell them. 

Questions About Medication

Has anyone ever tried [this] medication? Yup. Did it help? Nope. Yup. Not sure.

When can I stop taking this drug? If you stop the drug then you’ve got to make sure there is PLENTY of exercise, adequate sleep, juggling, meditation, comedy, affection, thrills and adventure, healthy eating, self-compassion and tree hugging in your life.

Is there a drug that works better than others? Every BODY is different.

How long does it take for this drug to work? It varies.

Can I get healthy without medication? You’ve got to make sure there is PLENTY of reasonable exercise, adequate sleep, juggling, meditation, comedy, affection, thrills, adventure, healthy eating, self-compassion and tree hugging in your life. If you can’t put that combo together, take the medication.

Questions About How to Respond to Thoughts

What does it mean to “sit” with the thoughts? They’re unwanted. I don’t want them! How am I supposed to just let them be there? I just spoke with someone on the telephone who’s never had therapy for her OCD. She asked me the same question.  She said the chatter is 24/7. She repeatedly said, “I don’t want these thoughts.” The more you don’t want them the more they’ll keep coming.

As long as I’m busy I can try to avoid the thoughts. Stay busy, that’s good, right? Nope. Welcome the thoughts. Provoke the thoughts but don’t try to avoid them. It’s not about staying busy. It’s about living your life. Doing what you WANT to to and NEED to do.

Can’t I replace a bad thought with a good thought? Yikes.

I’d never act on these thoughts, right? It’s just OCD. Right? Time will tell.

Have you ever heard of anyone else who has these thoughts? If you have OCD and I’m an OCD specialist…what are the chances?

Questions About OCD Morphing

Why did I have two completely OCD-free days and then boom, it’s ba-a-a-ack??? A setback is a setup for a breakthrough.

Can the obsession change? How often can it change? Nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it.

Even if I get unstuck about [this] won’t I just get stuck on the next thing? Nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it.

I shrugged this one off years ago. But, now it’s back and I can’t seem to get past it like I did once before. Why? Nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it.

Questions about Anger

Why am I so angry? You’re feeling like a victim? You’re not being assertive? You’re doing something, but not gladly?

I don’t seem to have any patience. Why? This isn’t who I used to be. You’re trying to answer something that isn’t answerable?

Why do I always feel like a volcano about to explode? You’re not being assertive? You’re not stepping out of your comfort zone?

I used to be passionate. Now I’m just angry. Why? Anger is a form of passion!

Questions About Concentrating

Is my brain fried or something? I can’t focus! Start juggling.

Why do I have to reread everything? I feel like I can’t comprehend anything I read! Start juggling.

Why can’t I be present? I feel like I can’t listen to anybody. I feel disconnected. Practice being in the here and now. Use all of your senses and stay in this moment. Right here, right now, you’re pretty ok. You can’t feel certain emotions until you’re out of this storm.

I can’t get anything done. My mind is racing. Should I take time off? To do what? Race more?

Questions About Journaling

Would it help if I journal about things that make me anxious every day? It’s good to make a list of your triggers so you can eventually confront them.

Should I write down all my thoughts. Keep track of them? It’s good to make a list of your thoughts so that you can rank them in terms of easiest to hardest and then begin to confront them starting with the easiest.

Should I journal about my feelings? Maybe it would help to get my feelings out. Feelings are the problem not the solution. Focus on action. Life rewards action.

Questions about ERP

 

What if I’m in the small percentage of people who can’t be helped by ERP? Time will tell.

What if I haven’t told you everything you need to know? Oh well.

Can you guarantee it will work? Can you guarantee I don’t have cancer?

Won’t ERP make my OCD worse? Since when does stepping out of your comfort zone the first time feel better!

This whole idea about doing exposures feels too overwhelming. Don’t you think we should wait until I feel ready for this? You might wait a very long time and meanwhile life passes you by.

What other kinds of therapy can treat OCD besides ERP? CBT is more than ERP.

I tried this once before and my anxiety didn’t come down. What if my anxiety doesn’t come down? You can do anything feeling anxious. You can’t do much avoiding.

Ready for the answers to all of these questions?

Ha!

Of course I have an answer for every question!

But, I think YOUR answers would be VERY interesting.

In fact, I’m so confident about how interesting your answers will be, that I’m going to gift my recent book, “The OCD Coloring Book Journal” to the five people who answer these questions, in a manner that reflects the most effective way to Boss OCD Back.

You don’t have to answer every question!

This contest will end 2/4/17. 
Enter your anonymous answers in the comment section of this post. I can’t wait!!!

The Secret Sauce to Defying OCD

160_f_88598986_7n3re0kng1ddhl9awxrpqetdbxqmpiom“OCD is telling me I can’t.             It’s telling me I’m gonna feel like this forever. It’s telling me to      give up trying.”

She isn’t giving up.                                                             She’s posting her journey on Facebook:


Day 1:  I’m not going to let OCD rob me.
Day 2:  I’m getting up and fighting. Gonna work out.
Day 3:  It’s up to me to live my life. Even if that little monster says I can’t or don’t deserve it…I’m getting up, showering, and going to town.
Day 4:  I woke up feeling down. Letting whatever thoughts I have come and however I feel is just a feeling. Going on a date with my hubby…

How is she doing this? She’s depressed. Just 4 days ago she was hopeless. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. And then she’d had enough. She made a decision. 

She’s only posted her first four days and…  

She’s giving away the secret sauce to defying OCD.

5 Ways You CAN Beat OCD

748fdeb36b5be4bd2107f9beddf1bdf7#1 Think You Can

Even if you think, “Well, maybe I can.” That works too! You don’t even have to say it out loud. Even if you think you can’t, act like you can.

            ” I Think I Can.”

 

160_f_68804740_askoxuf41fa0chht4srllzitpreuqadr#2 Do It Now

Life rewards action. The longer you hesitate or procrastinate, the less likely you’ll take the action needed to defy OCD.

 

 img_1496#3 What Are You Fighting For?

Sometimes your own freedom isn’t enough. The cold ugly truth is that OCD doesn’t easily let you love yourself. Who or what else can you fight for?

160_f_114356982_yvm1q4cshrhronjwai8ucszphvr4xgcv#4 There’s Nothing oCd Gives. It Only Takes.

Avoiding or performing a compulsion (or mental act) might give you temporary relief, but it’s sole purpose is to make a junkie out of you. 

160_f_114590332_yltylhvotpnnee3logxjxv6rheeoghlf#5 Fake It ’til You Become It

Your thoughts don’t matter. What you do and what you say…that’s what matters. No matter how you feel, do the next right thing.

More to come. I’ll keep you posted of her journey.

In the meantime, Which one of these “5 Ways to Defy OCD” have you tried? How’d it go?

Can you suggest other ways? I’m sure she’d love your input. Please leave your anonymous comment for her and all those reading.